autumn days

Saturday, December 31, 2016

What is best for us now?

As the surviving parent of our little family for the last eight weeks, I often ask myself what is best for our children.  When I acknowledge thoughts running through my mind of renting out our unused rooms to friends or donating everything or selling our home to backpack around the world, I pause to ask myself if this will benefit my children.  I miss my partner dearly, as do our children.  We are still in the fresh stages of our multifaceted grief.  I have managed to keep our children healthy, our bills paid (knock-on-wood), and our routines stable.  Sitting here in the middle of such holy days of winter, I find myself inwardly asking, what is best for us now?

I wonder at the sea of possibilities in creating our new normal: running farther from home, growing our compassion through travel, nurturing our skills as global citizens, learning to surf amongst unknown waves.  I still hear my partner's words and lessons in my mind, his human opinions ringing clear, emphasizing balance in everything.  What is best for us now?

My children and I continue moving forward to embrace what feels right.  I wake up each new day to make the most of each moment with our beautiful children, to stretch my practices of mindfulness and patience and grace and humor and determination, to be the responsible adult with roots and wings, to give thanks for being alive another day with these extraordinary people, to breathe deeply and step boldly into the great unknown of our lives.  I continue to provide nourishing meals, balance in social and unstructured time, to help my children learn the value of manners and responsibility, to maintain strong academic expectations, to feel the enduring love of their daddy, and to help them stay both safe and full of wonder.  Intentional parenting is a tough job, and now is my time to acclimate to moving forward without a coparent.

What is best for us now?  We go into the next moment, finding the delight in being together, in learning and growing and expanding our compassionate awareness and global citizenship in the ways that feel good.  There are only right answers and ideas.  We follow our hearts together, balancing one another in our needs and desires and practicalities. We continue to connect with one another and those we love.  We will find joy in the moments of our lives.  For now, this is what is best for us.

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