autumn days

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Holding On and Letting Go

My dear partner was so efficient in running a family business, building a dream home, managing our finances, and caring for his friends and family.  As those who loved him reach out and try to support each other in ways my partner was able, I find myself taking on the continuation of the dream home, managing finances, and loving on our loved ones.

As we gather in a variety of ways, I ask myself often what my partner would be doing in each situation, what questions he would have asked, who he would have reached out to.  I want to hold people in the same way he did, being the friend that asked questions and paid attention to the answers, the considerate one who made sure everyone was greeted and offered a beverage.  I have my own strengths in relationships, though now is my time to pull my partner's strengths into my own, to hold him close in my heart in these ways.

My children and I held onto cable to watch college football, hosting gatherings of my partner's family and high school friends.  As the season winds down, we are saying our goodbyes to traditions, these specific gatherings, and the college sports that have filled our home for the last 18 years. 

In each day we are saying goodbye to what once was and making way for the unknowns that awaits us.  We step boldly into the great unknowns of our lives.  We are trying new things, holding our loved ones closer, growing in new and uncomfortable ways.  Behind every closed door, there is an open window, a silver lining, a shift in perspective.  We are ready.  Blessings.

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