autumn days

Monday, August 1, 2016

Treasuring Every Single Day

My dear partner has been diagnosed with late stage lung cancer.  He's nearing the end of his first three-week round of chemotherapy.  There may be five more sessions and six weeks of radiation as our first line of treatment.  We spent last night at the beach, two hours away, delighting in the adventure of being away from home, playing at the beach, spending time together.  It ended with a health crisis and our returning home asap.  Now my children and I have colds from swimming in a cold pool on a windy day.  A simple cold is no longer simple in our "new normal".  A cold can threaten the life of my partner.  Exhale.

This is just the beginning of a long road for us.  Next weekend we will have a family reunion for my partner's family.  Most relatives are flying to be near us from California.  My partner will have started chemo round two and will be unable to attend his own family's reunion.  Our children and I will go without him.  So many firsts.  So much love.  So much surrender, patience, and support.  And grace.

I feel myself pulling inward, moving through the motions of caring for my family, losing my sense of self, trying to sleep in my spare time.  There are so many swirling emotions: sadness, grief, uncertainty, hope, compassion, wonder, joy, gratitude.  Each day I wake, meditate, give great thanks for this life I get to share with my people, hold my partner and children close, and step into the adventures that await us.  We are surrounded by love and support.  We feel valued and validated.  We are so thankful for this time together, the ups and downs, the ebb and flow of our lives.  Taking nothing for granted, we treasure every single day together.

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