autumn days

Friday, July 31, 2015

Nighttime Love Letters

At 4:00 this morning, I was called to awaken and embrace this new day.  As I'd been looking forward to this moment, robustly pregnant with my third child, I joyfully answered the call.  Out of bed alone in the dark, I journaled for the first time in weeks.  I made lists of what I've been focusing upon, what I've been calling forth into my life, and what I intend to release.  In these lists, I identified areas of my life that drain my energy, such as expecting my own parental perfection and the termination of a couple relationships.

Sitting with a pile of homemade greeting cards, I wrote love letters to those previous friends, releasing guilt and disharmony while sharing loving appreciation.  I wrote love letters to a few dear friends, one needing support at a difficult phase of her life.

After opening and releasing and appreciating through these cards, I was finally ready to open to my partner.  I wrote him a note to share how much I appreciate his endless, boundless support, how he encourages me to be better than I think I can be, how he uses humor, playfulness, and tasks to show how he loves and likes me.  Partnership is a challenging task made more complex by parenthood.  What a privilege to choose to view my partner in all his human details as well-intentioned and brimming with benevolence.

I appreciate taking the time to care for myself in the morning quietness.  I appreciate making space for this openness that allows me to share my gratitude with my partner.  I appreciate that in the span it took to type this out, our day has blossomed: my sleepy son found me, took a little nap by my side, was cuddled by his daddy, joined by my daughter, and now my two children are choosing their own cards for love letters at my side.  What gifts.

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