As I was connecting with my cousins, I asked them if they knew of any unusual qualities in our grandmother. My cousin Kristen says she was very close with Grandma, cooking with her in the kitchen, inheriting her garden bench. My cousin sometimes senses Grandma sitting next to her on that same bench while her children play nearby.
For a while I asked Grandma's energy to sit on the bed next to me each morning, as she sits on her beloved bench. My grandfather would often be next to her and connect with me as well. I felt close to them both, connecting in a loving way that was not available to me as a child when I frightened by my father's childhood stories.
In a shamanic journey with a fellow practitioner, I was given the gift of connection with my beloved grandmother. In this visualization, my grandmother shared an early memory of her childhood. She saw herself spending hours playing in tall grasses near water, captivated with the glistening details of the world. She told of the mosses, dew, the sunlight reflecting off everything. And there were fairies everywhere. This was the magic she wanted to share. I was greatly comforted to know my grandmother was a joyous flitterer like me, meandering about to those in need and to those she loved. She was able to focus on the details of life instead of feeling overwhelmed by the view of all life's challenges.
The following day, my daughter began a fairy class at a non-academic Christian homeschool co-op. She invited fairies to travel to her class in a glass jar, making them comfortable with glittery beads and jewels. A preschooler looked into my bag of supplies and inquired about the glass jar. "This is a jar of fairies my daughter brought for her fairy class." This one sentence led to our slow rejection and ejection from the program. While this transition was heartbreaking, we were being true to ourselves in following what was right for us and making space for a better-fitting community.
Now in an academic-focused Christian co-op, we are acclimating and making new friends. New Christian friends seem to be a large part of our social connections right now. Our Christian friends raise healthy, considerate children and tend to love homeschooling. When asked directly by our Christian friends, I share my interest in shamanism, Buddhism, meditation, and occasionally find myself mentioning my love of fairies. Though these words often leave my lips without my permission, I believe there are no accidents. I see these details of our lives as part of our unfolding story. While falling in love with our ancestors, our human story, our line of cosmology, we are falling in love with these lives we are so blessed to authentically share with one another.