autumn days

Thursday, February 6, 2014

my community of women

Relationships with women have not been tremendously easy for me.  My mother has loved me dearly, yet she complained so fully of her own mother and sister.  My young girlfriends cared for me, though they pushed where I had few healthy boundaries to protect myself.  There were years in my life when I had no friend I trusted.  In elementary school I was with a wonderful friend one year before I moved far away.  In middle school, I made various friends and developed boundaries and personal passions, while also flat lining my emotions due to my dark home life.  In high school, relationships deepened and relaxed.  High school friends are still my friends.  I see a couple dear friends every couple months, another is my phone friend, and many of us keep on touch through the internet.  As an adult, I gather loved ones from all the parts of my life.

As I look around at the women in my life, I see they are patient, loving, steady, compassionate, generous, and thoughtful.  They teach me to love myself more fully, to trust myself, to be myself, to follow my healthy passions, to become more alive within my skin, how to care for others, and to care for myself. 

Sometimes a friend leaves my life intentionally, always when it is healthy to do so.  Silent distance instead of open fights.  Our common wounds or energies no longer match up.  When this occurs, I give great thanks for our healthy disconnection and the space this creates for infinite possibilities and the answers to new prayers.

In many of my relationships, I am the one to initiate contact and gatherings with friends.  Therefore I truly appreciate when friends make the effort to connect with me.  Those who keep coming back for more, especially at those times when I grow quiet, those are special women.  It truly takes the efforts of two to create a healthy relationship.

When I first meet a woman now, my heart is usually clear about wanting to be her friend, or not.  From experience, I have learned to gather clues from her words, gestures, tone, facial cues, how she speaks to me, to children.  I do not need to befriend unfriendly unhealthy people.  My cup already runneth over, though there is always more love to share.  I so fully appreciate my community of extraordinary loved ones who know me, love me, help me feel like the royalty I am (as we all are).  I welcome these women into my heart, my home, my family.  And there they stay, as long as our hearts connect in a healthy loving way.

I appreciate intentionally setting up this community of incredible women.  My relationships are deep, loving, healing, invigorating, and so rewarding.  The women in my life are such blessings.  It continues to rock my world that I am so lucky to have these women as my dearest friends.  I give the greatest of thanks for their lessons and love.  And for the light and joy they share with my children and partner.  What a miraculous gift.

How do you intentionally create your community?
What are healthy ways you've found to end relationships?
How are your friendships the answers to your prayers?

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